Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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