I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
