no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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