That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
