Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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