no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
