chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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