I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
