It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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