What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
