I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
