Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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