My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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