I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
