Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
