Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
