TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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