so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
