You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
