come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
