Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
