Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
