your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
