Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
