During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
