Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
