Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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