So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's never too late to be topless.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
