Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
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