Acid is not a monday night drug
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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