She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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