you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
