Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
