is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
