All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
