you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
