last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
