Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
