The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
