DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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