Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
