You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
