grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
