Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
