do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
