I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
