a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
