Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
