dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
