id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I AM VODKA MAN
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
